I think it’s starting to sink in now. Slowly, subtly…but sinking. At the time I’m writing this, I have 6 weeks of work left. At this point, it’s mostly mind over matter and every other cliché you can think of. Finish strong, tough it out, keep your head in the game, don’t burn bridges. A lot of words. A lot of pep talks about the importance of getting out of bed and turning on my computer FOR ONE MORE DAY. A lot of scolding myself for daydreams or accidental visits to Pinterest, the time sucking vortex reminder that I will never be as creative or talented as “they” are. Things I do not do: crafty DIY projects.
And as my daily routine comes to an end, I start to realize that our time stateside is limited and then I start to feel twinges of sadness, nostalgia, excitement…an assortment of substantive “mini-breakthrough” thoughts masked as seeming absentmindedness. Flavorful, fleeting tastes of my true feelings about the change that is about to engulf life as we know it.
I think about eating tacos and cheese dip and drinking
margaritas on the patio of our favorite restaurant in Atlanta with my best
friends; talking about anything and everything until we’re full and tired and
content that we’ve been brought up to speed on all the details of each other’s
lives that we miss when we’re apart.
I think about my best friend’s fast approaching wedding…and
a lump catches in my throat and I have to very quickly think about something
else because I can’t start crying just yet…I am so excited for that day. It’s
possible that I’m more excited for her wedding than I was for our wedding
(sorry, Z) because I don’t have the nerves or the pressure of details weighing
on me. I get teary just thinking about how meaningful it is to be able to watch
my best friend marry the man I’ve heard her dream about for the past 20+ years.
I can’t wait to celebrate with her and her family and my family and so many of
our mutual friends.
I don’t think about the day we leave. I don’t think about
the goodbyes. I don’t think about being gone for the 4th of July
(one of my favorite holidays) or about missing the birth of a dear college
friend’s baby. I don’t think about those things because right now I’m just
trying to deal with the slow, subtle sinking in. That, I can deal with. Usually.
One thing at a time.
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