Monday, October 8, 2012

Bittersweet

I just waved goodbye to my parents and trudged up the stairs to strip the sheets off the guest bed, fighting tears and bullying myself about it. "You're a grown up. You're married, you have your own family, this is your life now. You can't be crying every time you say good-bye to your parents again. Pull it together." Z took my parents to the airport and I stayed home, since I have work today. Part of me is really sad to not see them off and have that extra time with them in car, and part of me is really thankful I had an excuse to stay home because, really, is there anything worse than that long, quiet, lonely drive back to an empty house after you've said goodbye to someone you love? It is the worst drive.

Of course the sheets were already off the bed and down in the laundry room, because that's exactly what my mom would do. And that made me even more sad because you know what? It's just really hard to be away from your mom...maybe no matter what age you are. Maybe that will never change. I don't want to live next door or anything, but sometimes it would be nice to pop over for dinner every few weeks or make a phone call just to chat without calculating the time difference. There's really nothing quite so isolating and sad as knowing it will be another 6 months before you're with part of your family again. Today is a sad day and I plan to mope around and eat a bag of Goldfish and probably have Easy Mac for dinner (sorry, Zach). I already ate a bag of gummy bears and really the only thing that accomplished was to make my stomach feel sad too. I wish it were an appropriately dreary day, but it's beautiful and I'm annoyed by that. Let me have my pity party, Weather. You're such a show-off with your sunniness and your perfect Fall crispness. Knock it off. I'm trying to mope over here. 

*deep breath*
Anyways.
It has been a whirlwind few weeks and that explains the lack of blogging. But can we agree that it's ok to not blog in favor of actually living life? I think so. That's the rule here. Live first, blog later.

Our visit with my parents was wonderful...although there was a bit of miscommunication that led to me waiting at the train station a week earlier than my parents were scheduled to arrive, followed by a few "did you miss your train?" texts and a little bit of worrying that my parents were lost in the German countryside. It was a huge letdown to know our dates were off...first, because I had a fridge full of food (most of which went into the freezer and re-appeared a week later), a clean house and I was REALLY excited. And second, because I was already booked to travel for work during one-and-a-half days my parents would be here the following week. Cue massive meltdown and a very sweet and concerned Zach trying to console me, knowing there was nothing that could be done. I was ill over the fact that I would be gone for part of my parent's brief stay with us. It's one of those times when life seems very cruel and you contemplate doing something drastic in return, like quitting your job. 

It all worked out though, as it usually does. Z and I went to Prague for our anniversary (that's another post entirely) and were able to meet up with my parents for dinner on Sunday before we left and as they were just arriving. That was a fun experience...who would have known that a short year after our wedding we would be having dinner with my parents in Prague?! It helped eased the pain of knowing I would be gone later that week when they arrived in Germany.

Then I was off to Denmark again and Z was left to play host to my parents for part of Thursday and Friday while I was gone. It was mostly terrible to be sitting in a conference room in Denmark, discussing software and workflows, knowing that my parents were in my home, seeing my town, getting a taste of our German life. But then I was home (after running through the Hamburg airport and being escorted onto my flight as THE LAST PERSON TO BOARD) and we were all together and it was wonderful.

I can't explain to you how much we enjoyed having family here. Right now, Z and I are all each other have, and that's good in a lot of ways and really hard in a lot of ways. So it warmed my heart to have people in our home, people we love and are comfortable being around. And it was so, so wonderful to finally be able to show them our life here because actually EXPERIENCING and SEEING it is way different than trying to explain and understand via Skype or email. It really made me so happy to have them share a few days of life in Germany with us. 

And it's hard to sit here in this quiet empty house now. Their visit went by way too fast, as we knew it would. And now we settle back into our routine and that's good. But right now, it's really sad that they're gone. And it's really sad that I won't see them for another six months. 

And Germany feels really, really far away from everything and everyone that we love and miss and care about so much.





4 comments:

  1. Katie, my heart definitely goes out to you and your fam! I cried every time I left my mom in Ohio...and I cry every time Courtney and her fam leave us or we leave them in TX. It's so s...but then again....it's a real blessing that you and your folks are so close!!!! Love from Marietta!

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  2. Beautifully written...I am coming too! Love you sweetie....

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  3. So, okay. You had me crying too! I can completely relate to the child side as well as the parental side of these situations. I'm so glad you had a wonderful, joyful visit with the folks - and a romantic adventure to Prague as well! Sending a huge hug across the miles.
    x o

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