Monday, March 31, 2014

The next thing

Here's what I'm dealing with right now...

I think (one of) the hardest part of being a military family is all of this moving around. Yeah, military families aren't the only ones who move frequently, but we move a LOT and it's a pretty sure thing. Every 3 years basically. Sometimes sooner than that. So as we inch up to the beginning of our 3rd year in Germany, I feel that itch starting.

The "where-will-we-be-next" itch. It's kind of terrible, this knowing you're leaving one place that has become home and moving to another place that you will have to make your home but not knowing WHERE that will be.

It's kind of sad to feel that slow but distinct disconnect process...the peeling-away of your connection to your current home, location, friends, and life.

If I were reading this rather than writing it, I think I would feel like it was all a little melodramatic. Like, pull it still have a year. A lot can happen in a year. Enjoy it. Take it one day at a time.

Yes, that's all true. But it doesn't stop that "moving on to the next thing" feeling. It's hard to settle in, only to realize you have to un-settle and re-settle all over again. 3 years is fast, friends. It sounds long, but it feels short when you look back on it. That doesn't mean that we don't or shouldn't settle in and embrace our current location and situation just means that we know it's not long term. The roots are strong and grow quickly, but they don't go deep.

We don't know where we're going after Germany (oh Germany...I am so sad to think about leaving, yet so excited at the thought of being back in the's hard to process those emotions. I think I'll spend the next year trying to work through them). There are options. There are doors that have been closed and new doors that have been opened. There have been discussions about doing whatever it take to get close to our families and discussions about what would be best for Z's career, even if it takes us far from our families again. It's hard. It really is. And we have NO IDEA where the next stop on this journey will take us.

In the meantime, I am trying (as my grandmother would say) not to raise my skirts before reaching the river. I'm taking one day at a time: snuggling Miss Zoe, desperately trying to figure out life with a newborn, adjusting to my current role as stay-at-home mom, making Z my priority in spite of it all...but it's there, creeping in the back of my mind. The fact that each day brings us one day closer to another huge transition. I'm figuring out how to not ignore it, but not let it take away from my current moments.

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