Well, we did it. We made it through week one back in Germany. One Week Wallow is complete.
I'd say we're doing pretty well, all things considered. Zoe is sleeping. Zach is back in the swing of things at work. We are no longer suffering from jetlag. It has been sunny and warm(ish) the past few days. I ate a lot of donuts/chocolate croissants/my supersecretstash of Thin Mints.
Last night Z came home and saw me in my yoga pants and tank top and asked (perhaps with a little too much excitement in his voice), "Hey! Did you work out today?"
And without thinking I responded, "No...this is just what I wore today" before realizing DARN IT! I should have said yes. That would have been way more impressive.
But that should tell you about the state I was in this past week, if wearing yoga pants and a tank is cause for a question about my activity for the day. We've really taken it up a notch over here as the OWW winds down. Out of the pjs and into the workout clothes. Minus the actual, you know, working out.
Baby steps. DON'T RUSH ME.
I feel pretty good, though. I think I was just so focused on getting little Zoe back on track and trying to sleep every time she slept that I didn't have much time or mental energy to really mourn leaving our families and friends. This is a good thing, I think. Because let me tell you, coming back to Germany this time was HARD. Z and I both felt it way more than we have before and for the first time ever, Z voiced how much he's excited to move back to the states (and hopefully, very close to our families). Having Zoe has made that ache to be "home", to be with our people, so much stronger.
I'm wondering if I'll ever feel like "home" is someplace other than Atlanta. That's the trouble with the military, you know. "Home" is Germany right now, but "home home" is Atlanta. And while I will always fully support my husband and follow him to the ends of the earth until the end of time, I really do have such a longing to make a "home home" somewhere. To settle and settle good. It's really, really hard to settle when you know there's a timer counting down, when you know you won't be in that house for more than a few years, or at that church for more than a few years, or whatever. I think I'll always have trouble with that...fighting the need and desire to dig in and let the roots go down deep while trying to thrive and be fully present and engaged in a life that has a 3 year time limit. You don't think about those things until you're living it. It is a really big struggle. And I'm ok with struggling through it...I just want to do it well and not look back and regret things or feel as if I've held back because I felt defeated by the temporality of everything. That's the biggest tension for me personally: trying to fully engage and throw myself into relationships and communities and building a home and a life where we are, but not to the extent that leaving and starting over someplace new completely devastates me or sends me into a One Week Wallow that never ends.
How do you do this? I don't know. I'm working through it. Maybe for the rest of my life (or for as long as Z is in the military. Which may be the same thing).
So I'm just processing all of that as I continue to ease back into reality over here.
The upside is that we have one more year in Germany and Z's command role ends in a few months WHICH MEANS...we have lots of travel plans ahead. We're trying to take advantage of the last year in Europe and hit all of our "wish list" because we realize we probably won't be back this way for quite some time (maybe not until after our currently unborn kids are off to college). So I think we're in for a busy and fast year. I'm excited to start planning all of these trips.
Ok, without further ado, let's wrap up this OWW.
Bedtime: 8:30pm. Zoe did her crocodile thrash for a while before conking out around 9:30. I stayed up too late watching The Bachelorette.
Wake time: 6:30am. Too early.
Chocolate croissant count: Finished my last donut yesterday. It was good.
Weather: sunny. Surprisingly warm. Considering a walk down the tractor trail today. Will report to Z that I DID work out if I actually accomplish this.
Probability of leaving the house: life resumes. House-leaving is mandatory. Sigh.
Status of suitcase(s): I mean, does it really even matter at this point?
Ok fine. I'll unpack them.
Thanks for hanging in there with me, you guys. If you ever need a good wallow, you know who to contact. I'm there for you, too.