Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Ruminations on Motherhood

After nearly 6 months of this gig, here are some things I've discovered.

First, I have eaten more things off my shirt in the last 6 months than I have in my entire life. I don't know if it's because I'm eating one-handed, or rushing through eating, or if I've just really given up...but I find I am constantly dropping food on myself and then scooping it back up and putting it into my  mouth. Just this very morning, I sat down and immediately felt something a little...mushy...under my forearm. Upon further review, I discovered a piece of my plum tart sticking faithfully to my shirt. It's been a little while (minutes, not days...calm down) since I ate the original pastry. This guy was just a bonus bit. Scoop. Eat. Is this motherhood? Have I arrived? Oh the glamour. Shield your eyes from my brightness.

(My mother is horrified. Sorry, Mom. This is real life.)

Secondly, one of the BEST things that has happened to our home décor is pillow-covers. You know, for the throw pillows on your couch. A while ago I got annoyed with the fact that the pillows on our couch and chair were the same fabric as the couch and chair themselves, so I turned to the source of happiness in dark times...Pottery Barn. Even though I bought them on sale, I was a little bit horrified at the price. BUT NO MORE, MY FRIENDS. Those pillow covers were an investment. They have paid for themselves by now. You'll recall we have a Great Dane, one who has jowls that hang a few inches off her face, collecting slobber and various debris with the efficiency of fly-paper. You'll also recall we have a small child, one who drools and frequently spits up sour-smelling milk. I cannot even tell you what our couch, chair and pillows have been through. I don't even want to know. We bought a steam cleaner, ok? BUT, the beauty of the pillow cover is that every few weeks (read: when I sit down at the end of the day and smell sour milk and rule out my own clothes as the source) I just pull those puppies off and throw them in the washing machine. They come out fresh and clean and it brings me peace and joy. Invest in pillow covers, my friends. Save the pillows.
Also, this really makes me want to get slip covers, too. FOR EVERYTHING. Couch. Chair. Dining room table. Dog. Lamps. I just want to be able to strip my entire life and throw it into the washing machine, only to have it emerge smelling like Lavender Breeze and sans slobber/drool/plum-tart filling. And I also want the fairies to dust and vacuum while everything is being cleansed and purified. As I'm getting a massage. I'm a simple woman with humble needs.

Finally, I don't care how much gas costs, I will drive 1000 miles out of my way if that means Zoe gets a good nap in. "But Katie...gas prices are so high." "You monster!You're polluting the earth!" I know, I know. Please sent hate mail and certificates of failure directly to my email. I've already set up a "very important" filter for these messages...they go straight into my "READ IMMEDIATELY" folder. I like to keep them all together so I can delete in bulk. The thing is this: Zoe fights sleep so hard. So when she FINALLY succumbs to those heavy eyelids and we are a mere 10 minutes from arriving home, I have 2 options. 1) I can proceed directly on my usual route, pull into the driveway and watch those little eyes fly open the minute the car shuts off, then deal with a cranky, over-tired baby while also trying to put away groceries and make dinner.
OR
2) I can take the long way home. There are so many "long way home" options. I can make this nap last 20 to 30 more minutes...40 if I get stuck behind a tractor. We will arrive home and those little eyes will fly open and we've just accomplished a successful nap, so a smiley, happy baby we have.

I choose Option 2. Every time. Even if I have to pee really bad.

This is a beautiful season, is it not?

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