Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The lamest update

I suppose it's been a while since the last post and that's because of floors that need to be swept and a dog that need to be fed (oh, and family that also needs to be fed. SO HIGH MAINTENANCE) and groceries that need to be bought and workouts that need to be completed and suitcases that STILL NEED TO BE UNPACKED (I'm so embarrassed) and a house that needs to be organized and also, baby molars coming in (whiniest season of life ever. Zoe is also whiny, so you can imagine what that's like).

Add that to my teeny tiny issues with transition and it's all I can do to make it to Zoe's bedtime (and escape into Netflix. I mean, have stimulating conversations with Z about the latest books we're reading. But really, Netflix).

It's worth noting that our stuff did, indeed, arrive. Mostly intact, which is a big win for everyone. My in-laws were in town and we powered through the major unpacking in a weekend, which is truly amazing. Since then we've had a steady stream of visitors (3 hours from family for the first time in 4 years means lots of visitors. It's so fun. I'm serious.) and we've started to find our groove here.

That being said, we are still only about 90% unpacked/settled (probably eternally). The other 10% is just exhausting and a lot of "No thank you I cannot deal with that box right now" and "Can you hold those up there so I can see how it looks? Ok, now reverse the order and move them to the wall right can you move back to the original wall and just stand there for about 45 minutes so I can see how that makes the room feel?" and "Have you seen Zoe? It's super quiet. Where is Zoe?"

We are responsible parents.

Side note: Unpacking with Zoe was a lot harder than anticipated. She is very helpful and very fast, which translates into finding kitchen things in the sun room or bathroom things in the dining room. Basically there was whole lot of redistribution happening.

But we're (mostly) unpacked and settled and finding our place here. We found a church that feels like home. We joined some small groups (a married group and then a men's and women's group, respectively). I joined a gym (with childcare! *praise hands emoji*). We are settling.

The onset of Fall (or really, the changing of any season) makes me introspective and I think the bottom line right now is that I'm just tired. Not so much physically, although there are those days. Just really mentally tired. Which is why Netflix is my evening activity of choice. That requires very little mental energy. That's why blogging hasn't happened, why I don't make phone calls (and rarely answer them), why I get a little bit giddy about a weekend with no plans. Don't get me wrong, I always enjoy myself when there are plans or friends or phone calls. But mentally gearing up for those things is currently a big hurdle. 

I've never handled transition particularly well and this has been no different. It's as if I feel like there should be a buffer zone where everything is allowed (or required) to move much slower than usual and you can slowly dip your baby toe into things for as long as needed to adjust to the need to cannonball into the deep end. Be reasonable. But that's not really conducive to embracing the change and working through it in a healthy way. I know there's something to be said for not rushing through whatever it is you need to process on any level, but that is not the case for me. For me, there IS something to be said for moving forward. For getting the boxes unpacked quickly, for joining the gym sooner rather than later (for some reason I had a huge mental block with this no, I can't go join the gym yet, WE JUST GOT HERE. So logical), for jumping into a church, for saying "yes" to invitations and play dates and volunteer opportunities. So I've tried to be more proactive about letting life here start and not having that weird, self-inflicted buffer zone of "no no, too soon to get into that. We just got here." Because who knows how long that could last? 

Anyways, that's life on this end right now. This post has been pulled together over the last few days (weeks?) because I write a little bit, get distracted or blocked, leave the computer, eventually come back, type a little more, repeat. But today, for the first time in nearly 2 weeks, we woke up to sun streaming through the windows and crisp Fall air welcoming us outside. This is especially a blessing considering the havoc the recent weather has wreaked on Columbia. The flooding has been devastating and it will take many, many months to recover some of the areas. We were fortunate to be unaffected...we were safe, our house stayed dry...we are incredibly thankful. Anyways, seeing the sun has energized me and I am finally going to press "publish" on this post, regardless of my thoughts about it not being complete or articulate or even particularly interesting. Because that's the lesson here, right? Keep taking steps forward...

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